Why Don’t Couples Have Sex?

Let’s be honest: talking about sex (or the lack of it) in relationships can feel awkward. But if you and your partner are in a dry spell, you’re not alone. Plenty of couples go through phases where sex takes a backseat. And while it’s easy to assume something is “wrong” with the relationship, that’s not always the case.

The reality? There are many reasons why couples stop having sex—and many ways to reconnect. Let’s break it down.

Emotional Disconnection

Sex and emotional intimacy go hand in hand. If you and your partner have been distant, arguing more, or just feeling out of sync, it’s no surprise that your sex life has taken a hit. Resentment, stress, and lack of quality time can make physical connection feel like a chore rather than something you genuinely want. Start with small gestures—hold hands, hug longer, send a sweet text. These little things build emotional closeness, which naturally brings intimacy back. Couples therapy can also help if deeper issues are getting in the way.

Stress, Anxiety & Mental Health

Life gets overwhelming. Between work, finances, family responsibilities, and the general chaos of adulthood, stress can kill your libido. Anxiety and depression can also make initiating or enjoying sex feel impossible. Taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally is key. Prioritize rest, try deep breathing or journaling, and don’t hesitate to seek professional support if mental health struggles are persistent.

Mismatched Libidos

Maybe one of you wants sex more often than the other. That’s normal! But when mismatched sex drives aren’t talked about, it can lead to frustration, avoidance, or even feelings of rejection. Open conversations about what each of you needs and feels comfortable with can go a long way. Scheduling intimacy might seem unsexy, but it actually helps take the pressure off and makes space for connection.

Hormonal & Medical Changes

Hormones play a huge role in libido, and they fluctuate for all sorts of reasons: postpartum changes, menopause, medication side effects, or medical conditions like diabetes or thyroid issues. If your body isn’t cooperating, it can be frustrating—but it’s not your fault. A doctor can help identify possible medical or hormonal causes, and in the meantime, exploring different types of intimacy beyond sex can help keep your connection strong.

Relationship Longevity & Routine

Let’s be real—long-term relationships come with comfort, but sometimes, comfort leads to boredom. The passion and novelty from the early days may have faded, but that doesn’t mean your sex life has to disappear. Try shaking things up—plan a spontaneous date, have an honest conversation about fantasies, or bring a little creativity into your routine.

Parenthood & Lifestyle Changes

Kids, work, responsibilities—it’s no wonder many couples feel too exhausted for sex. Parenthood, in particular, brings hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and a whole new dynamic to the relationship. Even if full-on intimacy isn’t happening, small moments of connection—a lingering kiss, a shared laugh, or cuddling before bed—help maintain closeness. Asking for support and making time for each other, even in small ways, can make a difference.

Past Trauma or Negative Sexual Experiences

If one or both partners have experienced past trauma, intimacy can be complicated. Even in a safe, loving relationship, past wounds can resurface. A trauma-informed therapist can help work through these challenges. The key is open communication and moving at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.

Changing Priorities & Perspectives on Sex

As people grow, their relationship with sex can evolve too. Maybe it’s not as much of a priority anymore, or one partner has different emotional needs than before. That’s okay—what matters is that both partners are on the same page. Have honest conversations about what intimacy means to you now. If one partner feels unfulfilled, therapy can be a great space to explore solutions together.

If your sex life isn’t where you want it to be, know that you’re not alone—and you’re not doomed. Relationships go through ups and downs, and intimacy is something that can be rebuilt with time, effort, and communication. If you and your partner are struggling, therapy can help you navigate the conversation in a way that brings you closer instead of creating more distance.

At Rust Wellness Group, we help couples work through challenges and reconnect emotionally and physically. If you’re ready to prioritize your relationship, we’re here to support you.

Let’s talk. Schedule a consultation today.